Unfortunately(not), for myself, this year did not start as per my feelings. It was unfortunate as it had tore me apart but now, I thank god for whatever that happened because it all happened for good and god wants better for me.
Yes, I had to withdraw from my first boy-girl relationship when I had always dreamt that my first relationship will be my last but well, sometimes, you need to learn right? In this case, I learnt that not everything we want happens that way. We need to make wise choices, decisions and speak our thoughts.
January 17 was a nightmare when I was text-dumped(as much as I do not want to use this term, that is the fact and I am not embarassed) by a narcissist for the most unreasonable reasoning which was a lie, of course. I do not want to go in-depth about that day because such days are pages meant to be turned over. However, the reason I had to re-cap about it was to emphasize that it has been exactly 3 months and till awhile ago, my senses were sleeping in the hope that I will get back with the person again.
I was still secretly waiting for him and I had to realize today that I could'nt be any more stupid because I should never want to get back with a person who put me through a series of dramatic, unwanted chaotic events without giving a thought about my feelings. "You will get over it", he said very easily but yes today I am getting over it, for good.
The one thread that was still holding me along with him was his family, who refused to let me go. The only mistake I did was to get attached to his family. Why? Because, love hurts. (sometimes)
I continued tutoring his brother even after the break-up, moreover, at his house. I did not think that I was being shameless as all that had came to my mind was the promise I had made to his mom that I would ensure the well-being of his brothers academically.
Little did it hit me that I have been hurting myself unknowingly by visiting a place that holds so much of memories with a person whom I should forget of. It was the main barrier which prevented me from moving on.
This very day, I went over with a heavy heart deciding to let go and to stop tutoring as I have already liased with his sister about getting him a new tutor. I was not that selfish.
However, an entire scene which I do not want to elaborate on had occurred in his house today and what took me back was the words that he had spit and they were all vulgarities. Using vulgarities on a person who does not use them? You lost at that very moment bro.
A lot had happened before I could even take my leave. A lot. Today, I decided that I should cut all ties and do what is right. It was a very tough day and it is going to be tough to know that I am leaving a family that I had bonded with but it is all for good. I know.
Sometimes love just is not enough. Sometimes, we have to let go of something that once meant the world to us not because we want to but because we have to. Life will keep going with or without them as life does not stop for you or anyone else. Life is life, it is hard but there are amazing moments that makes you who you are. Don't sit around crying when you let someone go. Someday, you'll be okay again and it's a promise.
I will keep my promise and I will become stronger.
Lots of love,
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